


Flipside: The Spontaneous Files

by nan00k



Series: Flipside [3]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-25
Updated: 2012-02-19
Packaged: 2017-10-30 03:19:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nan00k/pseuds/nan00k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 2: Barricade's peaceful day posing as a police officer is rudely interrupted when a menagerie of his friends and foes decide to abuse the Internet. Also, Optimus Prime doesn't have friends.  (One-shots and spin-offs from "Flipside." Parody, AU 2007.) Pairings change per chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to The Spontaneous Files, a collective place for all the little shorts that I come up with within the framework of my other story, Flipside. Some warnings:
> 
> -They contain spoilers for Flipside: Aftereffects (sort of) but nothing major. Basically, we're jumping ahead about three chapters here from the current update (chapter five).  
> -You MUST read what I do have up of Flipside and Flipside: Aftereffects to understand what the hell is going on. I mean it. You can try, but it's going to be an ugly experience for you.  
> -Yes, this is an insert-story. But if you read the first two stories, you might understand why this is okay.  
> -This chapter and many of the others take place DURING chapter 8 of Flipside: Aftereffects, not after it! Just keep that in mind, since we have not reached that chapter yet. It's not really important, though.  
> -You really, really read the first stories, guys.  
> -This is entirely un-beta'd, as well, so apologies in advance for any mistakes.
> 
> In today's first episode, Starscream decides one day that his new evil minion needs to prove herself in the line of sabotage. Becky has a few ideas. Too bad her version of "villainous" isn't even remotely close to Starscream's version.
> 
> Warnings: parody of fans, crude humor, foul language, slight OOC-moments, original character (self-insert type), nerds  
> Disclaimer: I only "own" the original characters found here and the Flipside stories. Transformers © Hasbro.

 

"You want me to what?"

It was interesting to learn that the Autobots and the Decepticons were not totally different in thinking processes. A few weeks after both the Autobots and Deceptions accepted me as a "helper" of sorts, I was introduced to their different bases. The _Ark_ , of course, was the Autobot base, though I already knew that thanks to previous knowledge. They had brought down the space vessel some months before I came on scene, and it was hidden quite nicely in the Nevada desert. Thanks to it being summer, I was able to spend a few weeks down in Nevada with the Autobots. Mom thought I was working at the "Teen Defense Squad" thing again. 'Cade was supposed to be back in Boise, according to our cover story, but in reality, he had come along in secret. (He told Emily that he was working undercover somewhere for the Autobots and he told his human bosses it was his dying father or something.) He was hanging out with his own friends, of course…

The Decepticons had also brought their own ship. _Nemesis_ was a large ship, but like the _Ark_ , the Decepticons found a way to hide it in the Sierra Mountain range. It was several hundred miles away from the _Ark_ , but when I wasn't with the Autobots, I managed to sneak off with 'Cade. I had suggested the idea of putting the ship underwater, but like always, they did the exact opposite. I didn't have the heart to tell Barricade that that was exactly opposite of what they did in the series. Starscream had muttered something later about moving it to the Pacific, though.

I never ventured too close to the Decepticon ship. I didn't trust the other Decepticons not to step on me, even if Barricade had my back and Starscream still thought I was one of his minions. Thundercracker was just so aloof and Skywarp seemed very keen on scaring the shit out of me whenever we had eye contact. So it was to my surprise one day in mid-July that Starscream ordered that I stop by, and because I was still pretending to be his first human minion, I had no choice but to comply.

However, when I entered the ship and met Starscream in his "throne room," or the command center, I was greeted with something I had not expected.

"You heard me, human," Starscream snapped. "Or are your audio receptors malfunctioning?"

"My ears work just fine," I replied, frowning. "Sir. I mean, I was asking rhetorically. I heard what you said, but it…doesn't make any sense."

"And why wouldn't it?" sneered the Decepticon leader.

I let my shoulders drop, feeling more and more uneasy. "Um, because I'm just human?"

I was standing in the center of an insanely large room (which wasn't that big in ratio to the Transformers, but I _was_ only like 1/10th their size) and in front of Starscream, who was seated in the command chair. Barricade was watching from the sidelines, but I'm sure he was very vigilant. Though I was a little more certain now that he did value me as a friend, I'm sure the real reason Barricade cared so much was because Emily would _kill_ him if he let me die. There were two other mechs with us—the infamous Seeker duo, Thundercracker and Skywarp. I was still not on speaking terms with them, so I tried to ignore their menacing presence.

"You presented yourself as a loyal soldier," Starscream continued darkly, "and as a solider, you are expected to undertake orders. Isn't this true in your _own_ society?" Ooh, jab at human society. Burn.

"Yes," I replied, honest. "But Lord Starscream…I was expecting, uh, more…size-appropriate requests. Like human-on-human missions."

Starscream growled. "The humans are the least of our concerns," he snapped.

"But…" I couldn't think of how to phrase my concerns. "I'm _tiny_. And pretty much offensively worthless, compared to you guys."

"Size does not matter in this sort of assignment, foolish human!"

"You want me to take on the Autobots alone and you're telling me size doesn't matter? !" I demanded, too appalled to care about my tone of voice. "Starscream, I can't! It's impossible!"

"That's _Lord_ Starscream!" screeched the Decepticon leader.

"Lord Starscream," I amended quickly. _Christ, he's bitchier than I am._ "But please, see it from my point of view. I'm _honored_ that you think I'm _qualified_ enough to take a mission for our… cause, but logically, I can't!"

"What I'm asking isn't dependent on size," Starscream replied coldly. "Sabotage requires only stealth and skill."

"I'm five-foot-five feet tall!" I exclaimed. "Optimus Prime is two stories! And I have no skill!"

"Amen to that," Barricade muttered. I looked to the side, giving him a glare.

I turned back to Starscream, inhaling deeply. "Sir, I just can't see what I could do that could sabotage the Autobots and still work out," I said. Oh, man, he was scary sometimes.

"Consider it your _initiation_ ," Starscream replied in the same frigid tone. I grimaced internally. _Oh crap…_ "Being human, your loyalty can't be trusted so easily."

 _Like you're an angel yourself_ , I interjected sourly in my head.

"And," continued the 'Con, "if you can do this, you will prove you are beneficial to our cause."

AKA, if I failed, I would die. Lovely. I forced a small grin. "What…a good idea…" I said with no enthusiasm. "You're right, my lord…I should prove myself. But…I still don't know how."

Starscream leaned forward, grinning (or I thought he was, as his face was obnoxiously hard to tell expressions on sometimes; I personally missed the G1 models.) "You claim you humans are so good at creative thought. Go ahead, and be creative."

Oh, the smug bastard thought he was smart. I bowed my head to hide my pissed off expression. Oh, how I wanted to say something back at him, but I was getting better at acting. Or at least pretending to be mature.

"Thank you, sir," I replied mechanically. Why did I put up with this crap? ! Oh, yeah, I didn't want to die. "I won't… fail you."

"I would hope not," Starscream replied, smirking wickedly. "You have three days to complete some form of espionage and sabotage that will somehow incapacitate the Autobots. Barricade is _not_ to aid you in any way." I winced and I heard Barricade hiss lowly. "Your assignment starts now."

He dismissed me and I hurried over to Barricade. He picked me up and we quickly left the command center. Once the (really awesome in my opinion) doors slid shut behind us, I experienced the verbal tirade I had been waiting for.

"You are retarded!" hissed Barricade as he marched down the hallway.

I bobbed in his palm as he walked, equally angry. "Oh, shut up! You did nothing to help me out!" I growled back. With a cry of frustration, I fell back on his hand and pulled at my hair. "FUCK! I'm so screwed!"

"You don't know anything about sabotage," Barricade continued.

"No duh!" I snapped back, glaring up at him. "I knew that already!"

"Why would he assign you that, of all things? !"

"I don't know! I'm not a mind reader!"

Barricade let out a low hiss and the heated air hit me, which annoyed me even more; it was hot as hell in the desert. I missed my forests. "The Autobots aren't stupid. If anything goes wrong, you will get blamed," he said.

"And then, not only will I get killed by Star Cream for botching it up, I'll be marked a terrorist by my own government," I added with sarcastic cheer. "Oh, and that's only _if_ I come up with some brilliant plot, too. Just freakin' lovely."

"This is serious!" Barricade snapped. We were approaching the exit. The sooner we were out of that damn ship, the better I would feel.

I glared at him fiercely. "I know that! I'm scared, okay? I act more retarded when I'm scared."

"You must be terrified all the time, then."

I scowled, but the bickering made me feel better. At least 'Cade had my back. He might not have been able to help me do the actual sabotaging, but he would stick up for me. Then again, it was a midget sports car and I against three Decepticon jets. That wasn't a very good equation. I sighed heavily, feeling overwhelmed. This was _so_ not what I had in mind when I "signed up" for this job…

We went down the automatic ramp. The ship was embedded in the mountainside (I have no idea how they did that) and was essentially hidden by the mountain cliffs and surrounding inclines. Even radar would have trouble picking them up. Although not totally sensible, the temporary location was at least better than some underwater base when I really thought about it.

Once we reached level ground that connected to a wide dirt path along the canyon floor, Barricade set me down. I hopped off of his claw-like fingers and stood still for a moment. I was seriously screwed if I didn't come up with an idea soon.

"Three days isn't very long," I mumbled mostly to myself. Barricade transformed and pulled up next to me. I reluctantly sat down inside the passenger's side seat, but I did feel relieved when he put the air conditioning on when we started off towards the end of the valley.

"You'll figure it out," Barricade rumbled.

I stared in surprise at the front of the car. "No ideas?" I asked, feeling nervous.

"This is your mission," the Interceptor said simply. He didn't sound angry anymore. "You have to figure it out."

"You're leaving me alone with this? !" I exclaimed, hurt and surprised. I was counting on him for support!

"Improvisation?" he suggested dryly.

I stared at the dashboard, dumbstruck for a moment. The sly bastard used my own sarcasm against me.

"You think you're so smart," I growled, turning away sourly.

"I am," Barricade remarked smugly.

I snorted and ignored him for the rest of the trip back to the outskirts of the base, where I would say I took a bus to (really, what bus goes out to the desert? Idiots.)

Internally, I understood. I boasted a lot about my improvising skills. Now it was time to apply them.

My life kind of depended on it.

**0000**

The Autobots were nice people. I mean, a lot of them were assholes, but assholes were sort of indigenous to _every_ species, so I had to cut them some slack. The twins, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, were two of my fan favorites, back when the world made sense and they were fictional characters. They weren't so nice in real life, however, and thought I was a Decepticon spy, even after Optimus had told them five times to stop glaring at me like I was a suicide bomber every time I walked into the base.

…If it weren't for the suicide part, I'd take that idea up as an option.

I was on day two of my three-day time frame to save my ass from Starscream. I literally had spent the last night staring at my ceiling and feeling utterly trapped. I had few options, other than fleeing to Optimus Prime for protection ( _not without 'Cade, my mind said firmly_ ), moving to Canada ( _and what, the Mounties would protect me?_ ), or blatantly throwing a grenade at a horde of Autobots at dinnertime. And as much as I wanted to survive this, I really did like the Autobots and their decision to protect earth.

So yeah, I was stuck.

"Need some help?" called Sam from across the expansive room the 'Bots called their command center. I almost choked at the ironic timing of his statement.

When they had finally gotten the _Ark_ to earth, it had been a mess. Teletran-1, the _Ark's_ main computer, was trashed and needed a total overhaul. From what I figured, the Autobots had barely managed to get to earth on the vessel after thousands of years of skirmishes and had left it on the dark side of the moon just prior to coming to earth themselves. Now that the 'Cons were a bit quieter, the Autobots finally had the time to repair the poor, neglected ship.

Hey, at least it beat being stuck in a volcano for a few million years… right?

"Nah," I replied, hefting up a large container of wires, "I got it."

We human helpers had been shanghaied into helping the 'Bots move in, essentially. There was a lot of maintenance to be done, some out of reach for us homo-sapiens, but we could do the little things, like shuffle supplies around. The military was helping out too, but their focus was on the Decepticons. It was the civilians who got the brunt of the work.

I didn't mind it, I admitted to myself, walking the crate over to the other side of the room (where Teletran-1's main screens loomed over us). While I wanted to stay alive and free of Starscream's wrath, I did like helping the Autobots. They were the good guys. Guilt plagued me. I didn't want to do anything to really hurt them.

Placing the crate on the floor next to the others piling up around the massive computer, I hesitated. Were this really the only options I had? Betray the Autobots, or die? It didn't seem fair. A little more than a year ago, I was daydreaming of robots and writing fan fiction about the very creatures I was now either joking around with or narrowly sidestepping. This was _real_.

A cold chill gripped my heart as I realized how very in-over-my-head I was.

"…not that big a— _HOLY MOTHER OF GOD_ , I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN!"

The shrill man-shriek that originated from the door did its job well to force me out of my melancholy thoughts and look for the source of the voice. Glen Whitman was standing at the command centre's doors, gazing up at Teletran-1's screens with the look of a man who found out he'd be photographing a reincarnated Marilyn Monroe for _Playboy_. I snorted.

"It's beautiful," Glen practically squealed, walking towards Teletran-1 with outstretched hands.

Behind him, Ratchet was walking with a very strained look on his face. I smiled sympathetically at the medic; Glen was annoying as a fictional character. He was no better in real life.

"As I was saying," Ratchet said, irritated as Glen continued to gape up at the screens, "you offered your assistance with programming. I cannot spare the time between this and the medical wing, so if you would be able to help with the basic installation of programs—"

"Oh my God, I would love to," Glen breathed, eyes glassy, mouth agape. "I-is this really your super computer?"

"Teletran-1 runs the entirety of the _Ark_ , but is not the largest or most complicated structure ever built by our race. It's standard," Ratchet replied, not amused. "Now, if you'd focus for a moment, I need to instruct you on how to activate the specific programs…"

I observed for a while, smiling at the excited man and the impatient medic. Their antics were surprisingly calming to my nerves. I bit back a sigh when I remembered I was still on a countdown.

"You'd think he was seeing the labs at Vos," mused Hound. He had been moving some replacement panels for the surrounding walls and had come up to watch the amusing situation unfold. He was one of the few Autobots who didn't stare at me like I was a security threat.

I laughed. "I'd probably react the same way."

"I'll just pretend I know what that is," Sam muttered, dumping another box over at the pile. He stretched. "I don't know how the heck you know all that stuff."

"You're just jealous of my awesome oracle powers," I teased, shuffling his box over to the right section.

Sam gave me a patient glare; he was impressed by my knowledge of the Transformers, but didn't put any faith in the theory I was some sort of oracle. I think my ranting about him being a fictional character all those months ago made him a bit bitter.

"Well, its about dinner time," he said, nodding to the door. "You coming?"

The other humans were filing out, as were some of the mechs. With a sigh, I nodded waving the younger man off ahead of me. I didn't really want to be near anyone right now.

That escape to Canada was sounding pretty good about now. Maybe Antarctica if I was desperate.

…Antarctica. That was a good option.

Behind me, Hound was piling up the load of materials he had carried over and was probably about to follow Sam out to the Autobot-human mess hall we all shared; the Autobots more human-friendly like to dine with their organic allies.

Hound was a nice mech. A little geeky, a little slow… hey, he was a guy after my own heart. I wished I could be around the base more than I was, to get to know all of them better. I couldn't help but feel a little bitter at my circumstances. I _wanted_ to be the good guy…

So, staring at the green mech in front of me, with little to no one else around, I couldn't shake the idea of confiding in him. I knew the answer I'd get would be to go to Optimus. _He_ could save me, if anyone, I knew people would assume.

But there was a lot more than just me at stake. Barricade, Emily… my whole family. Optimus couldn't save _all_ of us.

 _Oh man_ , I didn't know what to do…

"Hey… Hound?" I began tentatively.

He stopped and looked down at me, with those clear blue optics, obviously prepared to listen intently to whatever I had to say. It was such a clear difference between Autobots and Decepticons (perhaps Barricade excluded from that assessment.) Grief and fear welled up inside me as I considered and reconsidered the option of asking the Autobots for help in this matter.

"What is it?" Hound asked, interested and perhaps a little concerned. Yeah, I liked Autobots better.

I opened my mouth, prepared to say something—perhaps to explain what had happened, perhaps to try to expose my involvement with the 'Cons—when Glen, yet again, proved to be obnoxious.

" _Y-y-you're giving me access to T-T-Teletran-1?_ "

Turning, I saw Glen gazing up at Ratchet with either disbelieving gratitude or a desire to jump the mech; whatever it was it, it was _creeeeepy_. Ratchet didn't look that happy either, but he was a trooper.

"You cannot uplink into the system as a mech would," Ratchet explained, clearly controlling his temper. "We can rig a standard human computer to log into the system. You could begin to do the maintenance from there…"

He went on to explain more complicated functions and directions, so I got lost in the technobabble—but something almost seemed to turn on inside my brain. I knew nothing of their technology, other than what was alluded to in the various series. The extent of my human computer knowledge was basic website coding and perhaps somewhat above normal computing know-how. But I had a terrible, awful, no-good, simply… dastardly idea worming its way into my consciousness.

"Hey… Becky?" Hound asked. I spun around, surprised. He frowned. "What were you going to say?"

"Uh…" I swallowed hard, my mind already latching onto that horrible little thought, that was soon becoming a full-blown plan. Oh, boy… "I…uh, was wondering…if you'd like me to show you some, ah, plants later?"

Hound's optics shuttered. "Plants?" he repeated.

"I heard you liked plants! And animals!" I continued, hastily, laughing awkwardly. "Yeah—and uh, I have a dog and a cat, if you'd like to meet them! And my mom has this garden too!"

Not quite as smooth as I had hoped to be, but my hastiness sort of paid off. Hound smiled and seemed to like the idea. "That would be great," he said, his adoration for organic life clearly canon in _this_ universe of ours. "I don't know if I would be able to leave the _Ark_ to visit, however, at least not for a while."

"Ha ha, well if you're ever in Boise," I said, a cold sweat breaking out on my neck, as we moved toward the doors. Awkward small talk continued as we headed toward the mess hall, my brain going a mile a minute.

I had a plan. A dirty, rotten, horrible plan. But… if I played my cards right… it would be weak enough not hurt the Autobots _too badly_ , but strong enough to save my life from Starscream. With one day left tomorrow, it had to work.

Hopefully.

**0000**

Operation Try Not to Get Killed And/Or Expose Self to Friends commenced late the next day. It was my last day before I had to report to Starscream. Literally, it was now or never.

I worked my fair share that day and tried to be as calm as I could, to belay any suspicion from the Autobots or humans. I felt like a genuine asshole, laughing and joking with some of them. Heck, I finally got _Sideswipe_ to laugh that day, so I was feeling pretty good—until I realized that I was about to totally fuck them all over. Well, not totally over, but I _was_ about to pull a really dick move.

At least Sunstreaker's ever-constant glare made me feel more vindicated. At least _someone_ hated me.

…the irony in that statement did not escape me. But it was still hard to get through the day, so when things winded down around four, I was jittery and nervous beyond belief. I couldn't believe that I was actually doing it, but… the fearsome face of Starscream, combined with the overall risk threatening my family and friends, pushed me forward. I _had_ to do this.

Glen was working hard on Teletran-1's systems. He was having a blast while working at the alien code. I couldn't fathom how he could read any of it, but he was a quick learner. I guess he really _was_ a technological genius.

So it wasn't strange that when I walked into the command centre at quarter after four that I found Glen still at work, typing away at his laptop, which was now connected to Teletran-1.

"Hey!" I called, faking cheer. He looked up and waved absently before going back to work. We were only acquaintances, but I doubted he'd pay even his grandmother much attention right now. "Still working, huh?"

"This stuff is amazing. Pure and simple," he said, eyes glued to the laptop screen. Teletran-1's main screens weren't up and running yet.

"Uh huh. Well, I don't want to interrupt you," I began, gripping my shaking hands behind my back, "but I didn't think you'd want to miss the brownies I brought for dessert tonight. I thought to warn you ahead of time, 'cause Sam was eyeing them something terrible earlier."

Oh, man, was I evil. Glen looked up and gave me a horrified look. "…Brownies?"

There was only one thing Glen loved more than his new role as alien tech support—and that was food. I wasn't the best cook in the world, but chocolate was chocolate for Glen I suppose. With as much grace as he could muster, Glen was up and charging out of the room, shouting the expected warnings to "gang way" and "I call dibs!"

I waited for a minute before turning back to the computer. It was still on, completely accessible. After this was all done, I had to be sure to warn Glen about being more careful about security measures.

Kneeling, I brought the laptop up to my own lap and after fiddling around with some controls, found the command screen. I took a plain disk out of my bag and put it in the laptop-adaptation Glen and Ratchet had made. The disk slid in and I waited as it loaded.

Although I knew the Autobots were good guys and I would always support them and their cause, I could not suppress a very gleeful grin that appeared on my face as I waited. There was just something about the situation I could not place that amused me. I was working as a triple agent, so to speak. I had both Decepticon and Autobot allies and I "worked" for both. In truth, I wasn't on either side. I was just on my friends' sides, and it just happened to be that I had both Decepticon and Autobot friends. It was tricky, but somehow, it was working out.

The computer screen in front of me, once pitch black, blipped and the white command, ' _Boot from disk: Y or N?_ ' appeared.

That gleeful grin grew wider and a soft chuckle escaped my mouth. A short laugh followed.

Oh, this was _so_ much more fun than I thought it was going to be.

I bent over the keyboard and typed 'Y' to begin.

**0000**

It was an interesting car ride back to _Nemesis_. I refused to tell Barricade anything about what I had done, which pissed him off. He was obviously concerned about what it was, just in case it wouldn't work out. I was confident. I was scared, but I remained straight-faced and optimistic.

Just like three days before, Starscream was relaxing in his command chair and I left Barricade on the side to go before the leader. It was like the jet was attached to the damn chair. I briefly wondered if Transformers could get fat from lack of exercise.

"My lord," I said respectfully, bowing with more enthusiasm before. Oh, God, if he every found out I was mocking him, I was deader than dead.

"So," drawled the Decepticon commander. "Report, fleshling."

I grinned when I came back up. "My mission was completed yesterday," I replied. "Uh." I paused. How would I report a mission? "Um. It was successful and, uh, the Autobots never noticed?"

Starscream stared at me. I shifted uneasily.

"I'm new at this," I replied after a moment. "Cut me some slack."

"Tell me what you _did_ ," Starscream coldly, as if I were slow or something.

"Oh!" I laughed nervously. That was easy enough. "Well, Glen was working—Glen's another human at the base—was working on Teletran-1 for Ratchet. Teletran-1 is, like, their main computer. It runs the _Ark_ and the Autobots use it for nearly everything, really."

Starscream suddenly looked interested. "Is that so?" he asked. He didn't let me answer. "You had access to their main operating network?"

"Well, I guess," I replied, not sure what he was saying.

"Did you download the files?" he asked. He sounded like he was excited or something.

Uhhh. "No?"

"WHY NOT? !" he screeched. Angry Starscream was scary. "Do you have any idea what kind of opportunity you passed up, fool? ! We could have had access to untold amounts of valuable information about those Autofools!"

"I thought I was supposed to sabotage them!" I exclaimed. "You never told me to download anything!"

Starscream let out a screech and almost leaped out of his seat. "You should have used that miniscule main processor of yours!" he shouted.

"Well, I wasn't thinking of spying! I thought I was supposed to 'incapacitate them'!" I cried, frustrated. "Dude, I'm a kid! I'm not trained in this!"

"You're supposed to be a spy!" the Decepticon snapped.

"But you sent me on a _sabotage_ mission! I sabotaged, not spied! Be more specific next time!"

" _I shouldn't have to_!"

I heard the distinct sound of metal smacking metal, and I knew Barricade probably face-palmed himself. I was reallllly not good at this.

"Look, I did my best," I said, trying to be calm. "I know, I should have thought to steal information on them. I was nervous about being caught and it _was_ my first time doing this. I'm sorry!"

"What did you do, that you think would make up for this utter failure!" Starscream demanded, livid.

He said the F-word. As in failure. _Fail_. Fail = death. I gulped down my fear. I was dancing on a thin line again, as in, between life and death. I had to be careful. I had to be smart. Oh, Christ, I was ready to have a heart attack, but I forced myself to focus.

Improvising, don't fail me now…

"Glen was updating and removing program files," I said, my voice remarkably calm. "So, I distracted Glen and got him to leave the room. He was still logged on, and because the security cameras were still uninstalled, I was able to access the computer."

"And?" drawled Starscream, impatient.

I grinned and I suppose it looked rather diabolical, which actually worked in my favor. "I put a CD-rom in Teletron-1," I began calmly, "and I uploaded the beta version of Windows Vista to their server."

Starscream, Barricade, and the other two seekers all stopped and I could literally hear their head gears pause. Barricade made a disgusted noise.

"What the slag good was that?" he demanded, breaking the silence.

I only grinned. "You have no idea what evil I have just unleashed onto the Autobots," I replied slowly. "You have absolutely _no_ idea."

"Vista?" Skywarp repeated, sounding curious.

Starscream almost sputtered, trying to find something to say, or rather complain about. "What _is_ that?" he screeched.

"A computer program," I replied.

"So? ! How is that sabotage? !"

"Lemme put it this way," I said. "Once the Autobots logon and are introduced to this program, their world will equal total pain."

Starscream and Barricade just stared at me, still not getting it. Thundercracker examined his wrist joint, bored, and Skywarp quirked a mechanical eyebrow.

I sighed and explained.

"It will crash Teletran-1, probably fuck up their systems, and oh, annoy the living shit out of them until, or if, they can get it off," I finally said.

Skywarp stared at me, quizzically. "How bad is this program?" he asked, surprised.

"It is the epitome of evil to PC users everywhere," I replied simply. "Give it a day or two, and we'll see results. It screws up normal computers. It'll probably corrupt you guys pretty bad too, even if you guys have übber firewalls."

All four Decepticons seemed a little taken back by this. I shrugged and motioned with my thumb.

"If my evil quota has been reached, may I leave now?" I asked sweetly.

He let me leave, but I don't really think Starscream quite understood what I was talking about. He seemed to trust me enough to see my threat through. Thankfully, we were able to verify two days later that my plan worked. I had to explain to a very pissed off Glen, whom got my cell number from Sam (the little traitor), that I did not in fact do anything to Teletran-1 and had no idea why it crashed, or why Prowl's battle system crashed twice after he uplinked to it. Then, just as I was celebrating life, Skywarp decided to take me up on my ominous threat…

And uploaded Windows Vista to _Nemesis_.

Starscream was Not Amused.

Even though I got screamed at for six hours for "influencing" Skywarp into being stupid, and said-jet got five days in the brig for being retarded, I did get to see that for the next two weeks, there weren't any problems between Autobots and Decepticons. That was because both sides were glitching out for days...

Being a Decepticon-Autobot agent was proving to be quite the adventure indeed.

 

* * *

**End** _**Villain** _ **.**

**Next: Barricade's at work. Obviously, this is a good time for the Internet.**

* * *

**  
**

 


	2. Chatterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barricade's peaceful day posing as a police officer is rudely interrupted when a menagerie of his friends and foes decide to abuse the Internet. Also, Optimus Prime doesn't have friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little plot bunny that grew into a ravenous mammalian mind monster over the course of a few weeks, and naturally, I complied to give it life. Like most of The Spontaneous Files, **_this is set during Aftereffects Chapter 8_** , though it really doesn’t have a set time…or setting, for that matter. The story is written in chat room form. As in… **IM conversations**. Enjoy the stupidity which is fandom.
> 
>  
> 
>  **Nicknames/People**  
>  MentalPerson4545 – Becky  
> BarryCade86 – Barricade  
> ChecktheRepz – Bumblebee  
> Ironhide123 – Ironhide  
> Docbot1 - Ratchet  
> Popo12 - Prowl  
> AllDatJazz221 - Jazz  
> SexyBot1001 – Sunstreaker  
> RedTerror2 – Sideswipe  
> TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream – Starscream  
> OptimusPrime – Optimus Prime
> 
>  
> 
> Warnings: Utter stupidity, lack of characterization, authentic typing/dialogue, foul language, sexualized language, parody of fans
> 
> Disclaimer: Transformers © Hasbro. I have regrets.

 

_Mentalperson4545 has entered the chat room._

_BarryCade86 has entered the chat room._

**Mentalperon4545** : holy crap! You actually came!

 **BarryCade86** : I am at work, idiot! I came to tell you to stop sending me these infernal instant messages!

 **Mentalperson4545** : :D

 **Mentalperson4545** : I’m bored!! Mom’s on lockdown so all I can do is sit at the computer.

 **Mentalperson4545** : and ur a freaking robot from mars, dude! You can multitask!

 **BarryCade86** : Does it ever occur to you that you’re a waste of carbon, and are taking up the space that more significant matter could occupy?

 **Mentalperson4545** : OUCH

 **Mentalperson4545** : BURNNNNN

 **Mentalperson4545** : srly, Cade, would it kill you to socialize?

 **BarryCade86** : Communicating through instant text based messages over the Internet is not socializing. It’s just retarded. Besides, I talk to enough of you damn fleshbags everyday.

 **Mentalperson4545** : YEAH RIGHT. I bet you just sit in the corner of a parking lot all day and only turn on the sirens to go through red lights. I bet you don’t talk to anyone besides Emily all day!

 **BarryCade86** : Want to bet? I’m talking to one of your fellow species right now. The dumb ass wanted to run a red light.

 **Mentalperson4545** : LMAO. I would kill to see you on the job.

 **Mentalperson4545** : omg, would you take me in to work on Take Your Daughter To Work Day?

 **Barrycade86** : What are you even talking about?!

 **Mentalperson4545** : Would you take me in the patrol car one day? i wanna see you take down some punk ass!

 **BarryCade86** : You are absolutely retarded.

 **BarryCade86** : I’m leaving.

 **Mentalperson4545** : WAIT! At least give me half an hour!

 **BarryCade86** : Of reading your senseless garbage? Slag no.

 **Mentalperson4545** : If I really bug you that much, I’ll invite the others to come over too so we can all talk!

 **BarryCade86** : No, do _not_ do that!

_Mentalperson4545 is away._

**BarryCade86** : BITCH!

_Mentalperson4545 returns from away._

_ChecktheRepz enters the chat room._

_Ironhide123 enters the chat room._

_Docbot1 enters the chat room._

_AllDatJazz221 enters the chat room._

**BarryCade86** : DAMN YOU!

 **Mentalperson4545** : :D You were lonely!

 **BarryCade86** : The hell I was!

 **Mentalperson4545** : So, you _do_ enjoy my company, then?

 **AllDatJazz221** : And silence reigns! LOL!

 **Mentalperson4545** : …Cade? Hello?

 **BarryCade86** : Give me one good reason to stay on this line, you insolent brat.

 **Mentalperson4545** : cause you love me?

 **BarryCade86** : Try again.

 **ChecktheRepz** : Come on, Barricade! What wrong with socializing? :P

 **AllDatJazz332** : Yeah, we are in Code Green. ;) Make the best of the truce, man. We’ll be wantin’ this downtime later.

 **BarryCade86** : Let me guess: the Bumbling Brat and the Saboteur?

 **ChecktheRepz** : >:(

 **BarryCade86** : And the Hatchet and the Hulking Menace?

 **AllDatJazz221** : Aww nicknames! And all we call you is Asshole.

 **DocBot1** : Call me that again, Decepticon, and I will meld your servos to your aft plates.

 **Mentalperson4545** : OOOo

 **Mentalperson4545** : Them’s fightin’ words!

 **Ironhide123** : He’ll do it, too.

 **BarryCade86** : As if you could even try it, Autobot.

 **Mentalperson4545** : SO, to avoid arguments, LET’S CHANGE THE TOPIC

 **Ironhide123** : To what, kid?

 **Mentalperson4545** : …“Ironhide123?”

 **Ironhide123** : What?

 **Mentalperson4545** : XD Someone sure lacks originality!

 **Ironhide123** : What?!

 **AllDatJazz221** : She’s talking about yer screen name.

 **Ironhide123** : What about it? My alias is just fine for a noncombatant situation such as this. This activity does not require me to shield my identity.

 **ChecktheRepz** : The question is, who took the name Ironhide 1 through 122? O_o;

 **AllDatJazz221** : Good point, Bee. XD

 **Mentalperson4545** : But the purpose of having a screen name is to have a really funny and cool one!

 **BarryCade86** : And this is coming from the idiot who calls themselves “mental.”

 **Mentalperson4545** : Shut up, this is from five years ago! It was funny at the time!

 **Ironhide123** : Why would you chose _that_ for your designation?!

 **Mentalperson4545** : BECAUSE I WANTED TO

 **AllDatJazz221** : Yikes! Caps.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Lol, sorry.

 **DocBot1** : Rebecca, I am curious.

 **Mentalperson4545** : about what?

 **DocBot1** : Human designations. I understand that the creators of a human child name it at birth without a thorough examination of their personalities. Why?

 **Mentalperson4545** : Uh, because it takes at least ten years for us to get to the point where we’ve _established_ personality and habits?

 **DocBot1** : Even still, it’s a curious practice. What does your name mean?

 **Mentalperson4545** : …I actually don’t know.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Hang on, I’ll Google it.

 **BarryCade86** : You don’t even know what your own name means? Idiot!

_Mentalperson4545 is away._

_Mentalperson4545 has returned_.

 **ChecktheRepz** : So? What does it mean?

 **Mentalperson4545** : Rebecca means “to be tied” or “bound” apparently.

 **BarryCade86** : “Bound?”

 **Mentalperson4545** : What the shit?! My name is sexist!

 **AllDatJazz221** : Either that or that says something about your fetish.

 **ChecktheRepz** : XD LOL

 **MentalPerson4545** : >_<

 **DocBot1** : That’s fascinating, though. Human names have meanings that their spoken and written forms do not reveal!

 **AllDatJazz221** : Yeah. Ours are a bit more obvious.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Well, yeah. Jazz=musical, Ratchet=tools/fixing things, Ironhide=tough guy, Barricade= an impossible asshole

 **BarryCade86** : Thanks. So much.

 **Mentalperson4545** : :3 Anyways…then, there’s Sunstreaker=fast yellow guy, Sideswipe=sneak attack, Prowl=subtle, Mirage=he turns invisible, Hound=tracker, Megatron=big robot, Optimus Prime=the best/good king, Starscream=screechy voice from pit

 **ChecktheRepz** : Haha! True!

 **Mentalperson4545** : I almost forgot about you, Bee! Your name…hmm…

 **Mentalperson4545** : …why the hell _are_ you named Bumblebee of all things??

 **ChecktheRepz** : >:|

 **Mentalperson4545** : Seriously, do you have metal bugs on Cybertron?

 **DocBot1** : No, we don’t.

 **Mentalperson4545** : that’d be so cool though!

 **ChecktheRepz** : My name is supposed to signify I am quick on my feet, in relation to my coloring and physique.

 **Mentalperson4545** : …so it means you’re small?

 **ChecktheRepz** : D:< No, it doesn’t!

 **Mentalperson4545** : LOL!

 **BarryCade86** : For once, I agree with your logic, brat.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Was that directed at the metal brat, or the carbon-based brat?

 **AllDatJazz221** : Ya know ya just called yerself a brat, right?

 **Mentalperson4545** : …well, what do you know, I did. :\

 **BarryCade86** : HA!

 **AllDatJazz221** : Yeah…so…what we gonna talk about?

 **Mentalperson4545** : Hey, Ratchet?

 **DocBot1** : What is it?

 **Mentalperson4545** : I have a serious question.

 **BarryCade86** : _You_? Primus, help us.

 **Mentaperson4545** : Shut up, I’m being serious!

 **DocBot1** : I’ll try to answer it; go ahead.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Have you ever gotten laid?

 **DocBot1** : Laid? What is that?

 **BarryCade86** : Oh, Primus!

 **AllDatJazz221** : Oh snap! :)

 **DocBot1** : What is it? Seriously, what?

 **Mentalperson4545** : I just lol’d. XD Poor Ratchet’s not getting any.

 **DocBot1** : Getting WHAT? >:(

 **Ironhide123** : According to the Internet, “laid” is a slang word for sexual intercourse.

 **DocBot1** : … _what_?

 **Mentalperson4545** : DO YOU HAVE A GIRL/BOY FRIEND?

 **DocBot1** : Those are human relation-based terms, Rebecca. In case you haven’t noticed, I am not a human, so they do not apply to me.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Okay, so what about a bond mate?

 **ChecktheRepz** : Wow, how do you know _that_ phrase?

 **AllDatJazz221** : *snerk* Did Barry have the “talk” with you?

 **Mentalperson4545** : Lol, what?!

 **BarryCade86** : WHAT?! I’m not her creator!

 **Mentalperson4545** : He’s my cousin

 **Mentalperson4545** : *in law

 **ChecktheRepz** : You have our deepest sympathies. :3

 **Mentalperson4545** : X_x Thx.

 **Mentalperson4545** : IN ANY CASE, Ratchet!

 **Mentalperson4545** : do u have a bondmate?

 **DocBot1** : Why in the Matrix do you want to know?!

 **Mentalperson4545** : because ur Ratchet! And i’m a fan girl! there were so many theories i heard from other fans, i just gotta know!

 **DocBot1** : That is no reason.

 **Mentalperson4545** : come on, its just conversation.

 **ChecktheRepz** : Why, are you _interested_ in him?

 **AllDatJazz221** : PWNED.

 **BarryCade86** : >:)

 **Ironhide123** : Ha!

 **Mentalperson4545** : I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU ALL! D:<

 **DocBot1** : It serves you right for asking questions that don’t concern you at all.

 **Mentalperson4545** : And ew, that’s disgusting! We’re not even the same species!

 **Mentalperson4545** : And if I had to choose from anyone of you, I’d so go for Soundwave.

 **BarryCade86** : WHAT?!

 **Ironhide123** : Primus, you’re weird!

 **AllDatJazz221** : Aw, man, that’s sick!

 **DocBot1** : How do you even know who Soundwave is?!

 **ChecktheRepz** : AND _WHY_?!

 **Mentalperson4545** : I have my sources.

 **Mentalperson4545** : And dude, its _Soundwave_! Of course he has fan girls!

 **Ironhide123** : What the slag is a fan girl?

 **Mentalperson4545** : RATCHET! Answer the question!

 **DocBot1** : It’s none of your business, slag it all!

 **Mentalperson4545** : …

 **Mentalperson4545** : …are you gay?

 **BarryCade86** : LOL

_RedTerror2 enters the chatroom._

_SexyBot1001 enters the chatroom._

**DocBot1** : Oh, no!

 **RedTerror2** : you don’t even know who we are yet!

 **ChecktheRepz** : Yes, we do.

 **SexyBot1001** : Oh yeah? Who?

 **Mentalperson4545** : hmmm…how about the only retards who’d call themselves “terrors” or “sexy”?

 **ChecktheRepz** : The twins! :3

 **AllDatJAzz** : So, u gonna answer Beck’s question, Ratch? ;)

 **DocBot1** : NO.

 **RedTerror2** : A question about our beloved Hatchet? Do share!

 **Mentalperson4545** : LOL

 **DocBot1** : Say it, and I’ll deactivate you all!

 **Mentalperson4545** : Well, since I’m human, I’m off limits to your evil revenge, thanks to your leader’s lovely decree of “we’ll never harm humans.” AKA me.

 **DocBot1** : ...

 **Mentalperson4545** : xD I WIN!

 **SexyBot1001** : What was the question?

 **AllDatJazz221** : I ain’t risking my servos for it, but it was funny.

 **RedTerror2** : TEEEEEELLLLLLL MEEEEEE!

 **Mentalperson4545** : I’ll tell it to you in l33t.

 **SexyBot1001** : ß®1|\|9 17!

 **Mentalperson4545** : O_O whoa!

 **DocBot1** : I HATE YOU ALL!  
 _DocBot1 has left the chat room._

 **Mentalperson4545** : 1 4$|{3Ð 1ƒ R47(h37 3v3r 907 £41Ð b3ƒ0r3.

 **BarryCade86** : He already left, idiot, so type normally.

 **RedTerror2** : LMAO!

 **SexyBot1001** : That’s brilliant! I’m going to ask him later!

 **Mentalperson4545** : Are you sure _you_ don’t _already_ know the answer to that? :3

 **AllDatJazz221** : Aaaaand another awkward silence. Sweet!

 **ChecktheRepz** : Did you just suggest…Sunstreaker and… _Ratchet_ are mates?

 **SexyBot1001** : THAT’S DISGUSTING! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT?!

 **RedTerror2** : *is offlining from laughter*

 **BarryCade86** : Where do you get these absurd ideas?

 **Mentalperson4545** : Fan fictions.

 **ChecktheRepz** : What are those?

 **Mentalperson4545** : fan made stories about an already established story…like the _Transformers_ , AKA, where you guys are from. :P

 **ChecktheRepz** : Are you still saying that we’re fictional characters from some human story?

 **Ironhide123** : Ha! That again.

 **Mentalperson4545** : But I’m not making it up!

 **AllDatJazz221** : Aww, that’s so cute, kid.

 **SexyBot1001** : You humans are so fragging weird.

_Popo12 has entered the chat room._

**Mentalperson4545** : OMFG

 **Mentalperson4545** : ROTFLMAO

 **Mentalperson4545** : ROTFLMAO

 **Popo12** : What?!

 **AllDatJazz221** : I think its yer name, Prowler. :)

 **Popo12** : You’re the one who chose it for me, Jazz, after you insisted I joined this obviously senseless discussion. Ratchet was right to warn me not to come.

 **BarryCade86** : Oh, believe me, there is no discussion happening anywhere within this chatroom.

 **Mentalperson4545** : YOUR NAME HAS STOLEN MY SOUL

 **BarryCade86** : ???

 **Popo12** : It what?

 **Mentalperson4545** : ILU. <3

 **RedTerror2** : I don’t understand half the shit you say at all, kid.

 **Mentaperson4545** : Wow, neither do I!

 **BarryCade86** : Are you high?

 **Mentalperson4545** : Dude, I’ve been laughing hysterically for the last ten minutes! I’m like seeing colors flashing in the corner of my eyes, I’m laughing so hard.

 **ChecktheRepz** : As long as you don’t start tasting it.

 **Mentalperson4545** : what??

 **Popo12** : What were you even talking about, anyway?

 **AllDatJazz221** : Well, we started off dissin’ Ironhide’s username, and then Ratchet’s ‘sexuality’ was brought up.

 **Popo12** : …why?

 **BarryCade86** : Like I said before, there is no logical sense to any of this conversation.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Oh, come on. I’m just teasing him.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Besides, there could be worse pairings between the lot of you I can think of.

 **Ironhide123** : I don’t think you could top Ratchet/Sunstreaker.

 **SexyBot1001** : Disgusting!

 **Mentalperson4545** : Wanna bet?

 **Mentalperson4545** : XD Prowl/Jazz!

 **AllDatJazz221** : Hey, don’t bring me into this!

 **Mentalperson4545** : I actually like that pairing, thank you. It was huge in the fandom and practically canon.

 **Popo12** : What does that mean?

 **RedTerror2** : It means you and Jazz are sharing a berth.

 **Popo12** : …

 **Mentalperson4545** : Ooh! What about Inferno/Red Alert

 **Mentalperson4545** : Or Ratchet/Wheeljack

 **Mentalperson4545** : Or Sunstreaker/Sideswipe/Bluestreak?

 **AllDatJazz221** : Oh, Primus, you’re killing me! XD

 **RedTerror2** : YOU ARE DISGUSTING!

 **Ironhide123** : How do you know all of those names!?

 **Mentalperson4545** : Or, for the kicker, Ratchet/Ironhide/Optimus/Megatron/Perceptor?

 **BarryCade86** : Okay, you are totally pulling this out of your ass now!

 **Mentalperson4545** : XD That last one, yeah, but do you want to hear the real _canon_ pairing?

 **ChecktheRepz** : :D We’re all audials!

 **Popo12** : Sweet Primus almighty, this is ridiculous.

 **Mentalperason4545** : Starscream X Megatron

 **AllDatJazz221** : LMAO!

 **BarryCade86** : You have to be kidding me.

 **Mentalperson4545** : I am dead serious!

 **Mentalperson4545** : Megs beats Starscream…Starscream always comes back…they bitch like an old married couple…and for some reason, they _never_ kill each other!

 **BarryCade86** : Starscream has tried to kill Lord Megatron. Hundreds of times.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Still! Maybe he’s got a reverse of that beated wife syndrome or whatever!

 **Ironhide123** : Maybe he’s just a malfunctioning glitchhead.

 **Mentalperson4545** : But what if? What if he’s really in love!?

 **BarryCade86** : YOU SICKEN ME. CONSTANTLY.

 **SexyBot1001** : Can you imagine walking in on them in berth?

 **Mentalperson4545** : Oh my god.

 **RedTerror2** : It’d be like watching a tank assaulting a jet.

 **ChecktheRepz** : o_o

 **SexyBot1001** : It _would_ be a tank assaulting a jet.

 **Mentalperson4545** : *dies*

 **BarryCade86** : Stop talking about this!

 **SexyBot1001** : And did you know Starscream’s nickname is Screamer?

 **Ironhide123** : Oh, Primus.

 **SexyBot1001** : I bet I could guess why. :P

 **RedTerror2** : “Oh, Megatron!”

 **SexyBot1001** : “Oh, Screamer! _Scream_ for me!”

 **BarryCade86** : MY PROCESSOR IS BURNING!

 **Mentalperson4545** : I think I’m too young to be reading this. Outside of fan fiction, that is.

 **ChecktheRepz** : Me, too.

 **RedTerror2** : “Ooooooh…!”

 **Mentalperson4545** : SUNNYSIDEUP, KNOCK OFF THE PR0Nz! YOU’RE CORRUPTING THE CHILDREN!

 **RedTerror2** : “ _OOOOOOOHHHHHHH_ …!”

 **BarryCade86** : I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP, AUTOBOTS!

 **Popo12** : This is completely absurd!

 **Mentalperson4545** : I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE THE CONVERSATION WENT

 **ChecktheRepz** : We were having a conversation?

 **Mentalperson4545** : Apparently. Like five minutes ago.

 **Popo12** : Congratulations, you’ve shorted out Jazz.

 **RedTerror2** : We made his processor crash?

 **Popo12** : No, the hysterical laughter made a few fuses give out.

 **Mentalperson4545** : I _was_ laughing until it got creepy.

 **BarryCade86** : This thing got creepy the moment you signed on.

_TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream enters the chat room._

**Mentalperson4545** : …wow.

 **SexyBot1001** : That’s just…

 **ChecktheRepz** : Ironic?

 **Ironhide123** : And you accused me of having an overly simplistic alias.

 **BarryCade86** : How the slag are you all getting this address?!!?!

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : What is this? Who is sending this pathetically primitive communiqué to my commlink? Barricade!

 **RedTerror2** : LOLLLL

 **Mentalperson4545** : Oops my bad. >.>

 **BarryCade86** : I’m stepping on your dog.

 **BarryCade86** : And then your house.

 **BarryCade86** : And then you.

 **Mentalperson4545** : :D?

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : I demand an answer! What is this?!

 **BarryCade86** : YOU STUPID BITCH! I’M DONE WITH THIS!

_BarryCade86 leaves the chat room._

**Mentalperson4545** : AWW!

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : Did he just call me a bitch?!

 **Mentalperson4545** : ROTFLMAO *dies*

 **SexyBot1001** : HAHAHAHAHAHA

 **RedTerror2** : LMFAO

 **Ironhide123** : Ha!

 **ChecktheRepz** : Look like you failed to keep him here for thirty minutes, Becky.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Nuh uh! It’s been thirty minutes!

 **ChecktheRepz** : Twenty-nine minutes, fifty-six seconds.

 **Mentalperson4545** : BITCH!

 **AllDatJazz221** : Fail! XD

 **Mentalperson4545** : >:( Talk about _epic_ fail. He’ll bring that up the next time I try talking to him, too.

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : WHAT is going on?!

 **AllDatJazz221** : Not to mention the fact he’s gonna to ignore you for the next month an’ a half.

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : Do not ignore me, Autobots!

 **Mentalperson4545** : Who u calling an Autobot, Screamer?

 **RedTerror2** : LOL!

 **ChecktheRepz** : Hahahaha~!

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : And you, human! I demand you show me the respect I deserve!

 **Mentalperson4545** : Sure, Star Cream.

 **RedTerror2** : HAHAHAHA!

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : _HUMAN_!

 **Mentalperson4545** : It was a typo, I swear!

 **Mentalperson4545** : :3

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : Enough of this stupidity! Do not contact me again, Autobrats! I don’t care if we are in a truce or not!

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : You either, fleshling! I know where you recharge!

 **Mentalperson4545** : ):

 **SexyBot1001** : I have one question, Star Cream.

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : What?!

 **TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream** : AND DON’T CALL ME THAT!

 **SexyBot1001** : Is Megatron good in berth?

_TheGreatAndPowerfulStarscream leaves the chat room._

**RedTerror2** : PWN’D!

 **Popo12** : Dear Primus…

 **AllDatJazz221** : LOL!

 **Mentalperson4545** : Lol, that was kinda mean. Great timing, though.

 **AllDatJazz221** : But it was Starscream.

 **RedTerror2** : And that makes it okay.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Oh…kay…

 **AllDatJazz221** : That was amazing on so many levels of amazingness.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Oh, hey! You’re alive!

 **AllDatJazz221** : Yeah, well, we gotta wrap this up.

 **Popo12** : Patrol starts in less than a breem.

 **Mentalperson4545** : Awww!

 **Mentalperson4545** : Let’s do this agin

 **Mentalperson4545** : *again

 **ChecktheRepz** : When?

 **AllDatJazz221** : I’m free tomorrow.

 **Mentalperson4545** : I have school.

 **RedTerror2** : We don’t need you :P

 **Mentalperson4545** : D’:

_Mentalperson4545 has left the chat room._

**RedTerror2** : HAHA!

 **ChecktheRepz** : Jerk!

 **Ironhide123** : Why did I even stay this long?

_Ironhide123 has left the chat room._

**Popo12** : I’ll see you all back at the base, _on time_ for your duties.

_Popo12 has left the chat room._

**AllDatJazz221** : Aww, Prowler! Don’t go!

_AllDatJazz221 has left the chat room._

**ChecktheRepz** : Well, that was eventful.

 **RedTerror2** : Humans are weird, but entertaining.

 **SexyBot1001** : Let’s go find Ratchet and ask him that question again.

 **ChecktheRepz** : And get my servos hacked off? No thanks.

 **RedTerror2** : I bet we could get Sam to ask him.

 **ChecktheRepz** : Don’t even think about it. >:(

 **RedTerror2** : Okay, okay…:P

 **RedTerror2** : Besides, Sunshine here should be able to tell us _all_ about it, right? ;)

_SexyBot1001 has left the chat room._

**ChecktheRepz** : …where did he go?

 **RedTerror2** : …oh, slag. He knows where we are. RUN.

_RedTerror2 hasleft the chat room._

_ChecktheRepz has left the chat room._

_OptimusPrime has entered the chat room._

**OptimusPrime** : I apologize for my tardiness. Jazz informed me of a group discussion going on.

 **OptimusPrime** : …hello?

OptimusPrime: :(

_OptimusPrime has left the chat room._

 

 

**End _Chatterday_.**

**Next, Barricade and Becky earn a job from a third party source they just can’t refuse. Unfortunately, the Autobots have to stick their noses in, and well, the state of Idaho may not survive.**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Fun Fan Fiction Facts**  
>  -Their names were a pain in the ass to come up with, I swear! >:( I must have gone through five different versions for all of them, ‘cause none of them seemed right. They still don’t seem right.  
> -This idea has been floating around my mind for WEEKS, even before I finished Flipside.  
> -I tired to make this seem…conversation-y. As if the characters were actually speaking/typing, so hopefully that worked out.  
> -I kept writing “SexyBoy” instead of “SexyBot” for at least five minutes.  
> -The reason why Becky freaked out about the whole “Popo” thing is based on an inside joke.  
> -Optimus Prime has no friends. D:
> 
> Did part of your intelligence just spontaneously combust when reading this? Part of mine did. Actually, a lot of my brain did. I’m so sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no regrets. (I warned you; this is total crack and always will be.)


End file.
